A Time to Say Good-Bye

2019 was not off to a good start for me.  I found out late last year that my mom had stage 4 kidney cancer.   She's known for awhile, but didn't want us to worry, so just didn't tell us.  While I understand her reasoning, I still feel cheated out of extra time that I would have spent with her.  I'm lucky that I went as often as I had anyway, my brother has more regrets, he didn't see her much at all.  She died in February, right after her birthday.  I had flown back and forth to visit her all month.  I had my kids fly down to say goodbye.  Only one didn't make it in time.   It amazed me how fast she went.   She was in pain, so although it was very sad, I am happy knowing she is no longer in pain.  And that both of her arms work once again.   And that she can play as much Bingo as she would like.  And that she's been reunited with the love of her life - George.   George was not my father, but he was the one she truly loved all of her life.

With her death came lots of emotional eating, of course.  And a month solid where I didn't go to the gym.  My trainer, to his credit,  understood.   He didn't say anything about the 10 pounds I gained back, although I'm sure he noticed.  It took me so long to lose those 40 pounds, and just that quick....

But I'm back.  I'm ready.  We've hit the gym everyday this week (ok, so it's only Wednesday)  Today I weighed in at 309.   Yep, I'm throwing the numbers out there.   Who am I kidding ?  I once weighed 350 lbs.   350.   That's not a typo.  I never weighed that much pregnant - although I never got very pregnant, I had the morning, noon and night sickness with each of my 4 kids.  It was almost the best diet a person could ask for.

So today we boxed.  I love boxing.  I burned 600 calories in just 44 minutes.  My problem is with overeating.   I need to just stop.  Easier said than done.  Today I will look into a free ap to track my food with.   I want to live a healthier life for my kids.   Back to square one.


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